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AIRCRAFT BEAUTIES -
You can take your $10
disposable camera or $50,000 of expensive video equipment,
wait and wait for the rest of your life, and chances are that you will never
get pictures like these.
Airline
Announcements?
United Flight Attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
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On landing,
the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.
If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like
to have."
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"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
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An airline
pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the
runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
door
while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying
our airline."|
He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with
a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
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As the
plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan,
a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"
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After
a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant
on a Northwest flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because sure
as hell everything has shifted after a landing like that."
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Another
flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
the terminal."
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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo
, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day:
During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it.
After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain
taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
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"Your
seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency
water landing,
please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
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"As
you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses......except for that gentleman over
there."
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Heard
on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City ..
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a
bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's
fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
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After
a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, "Ladies
and Gentlemen,
please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the
terminal."
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Part
of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today.
And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies
in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
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Heard
on a Southwest Airline flight - "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane
is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
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A plane
was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising
altitude,
the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles
The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight.
Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a
few minutes, the captain came back
on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared
you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup
of hot coffee in my lap.
You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger
in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
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And now you know why the
first word that
you see when driving into an airport is:
TERMINAL
